Reflection

An honest assessment of our thoughts, words, actions, responses and intentions is the key to self-improvement. Writing, “How could I have handled that situation better?”, is key to future success.

Journaling For Self-Awareness

One of the many benefits of journaling is capturing moments, events, feelings and memories before they fade or are warped or recolored by our later re-interpretation. As with dreams, writing things down promptly assists in clarity and accuracy. Honest self-evaluation sounds straightforward enough in theory however in practice it can be difficult and scary. Most of us are afraid to admit our mistakes. We will got to great lengths to hide, minimize or all together deny our errors. Nobody wants to appear like a bumbling idiot but beyond an understandable concern with how we appear to others, there is a great deal of societal pressure placed on perfection and success. Fear of failure is the leading obstacle to a healthy, honest self-evaluation. Our outward response are routinely distorted to disguise, hide or deny our mistakes. Why is self-evaluation important? If we break a vase and deny we dropped it, we defer the responsibility to attempt to repair it. We seem to understand that when we fall short of fulfilling our financial or professional goals the solution is to modify, improve and try again. This is a routine process in product and software development. Why should the process be any different when it comes to improving ourselves and our relationships? Maybe it’s easier to blame others for our shortcomings or our failures? Our egos can’t manage the admission of anything less than perfection? Do we readily accept our part, accept that we dropped the vase, attempt to repair the vase, modify and improve our behaviour so our chances of a better, more healthy relationship are improved? Ironically, a vase is very difficult to repair. However, a mistake in a relationship can be surprisingly easy to repair. Here are 3 examples for repairing an error in our relationships. Start with acknowledging the error first:

1) That one is on me. I used a terrible choice of words.
2) You didn’t deserve that. That was harsh.
3) I twisted the reality there to suit my ego.

Now, let’s take the above acknowledgements and add the reparative element:

1) That one is on me. I used a terrible choice of words. What really would have been a better choice of words and more reflective of my less emotional, more rational thoughts would have been ……
2) You didn’t deserve that. That was harsh. I guess I felt criticized or unappreciated and I should have just said that instead of lashing out.
3) I twisted the reality there to suit my ego. Upon reflection, I was not completely honest with you or even myself with that statement…….

The above is not a deep method for resolving issues but rather an simple illustration of a how simple acknowledgement and deeper assessment can go a long way. Journaling is an ideal device for learning this behavior. Your journal entries will allow you to revisit, acknowledge and improve. Here are the 3 journaling prompts to getting started:

1) Write down the exchange or mishap, the actual words, not the interpretation.
2) Write how my emotions had to do with ego, fear, expectations/not getting what I want
3) Write down a brilliant response which would have been a better way of handling the situation

Self-assessment and self-awareness are the touchstones to self-improvement. Many of our responses are emotional and come from fear, insecurity, spite and a lack of thought and often don’t actually reflect our true thoughts, our true selves or our higher selves. Instead they are snap reactions based on “fight of flight” instincts, hormones, emotions or errant perceptions. The reality is this will occur now matter how “emotionally intelligent” we are. A wise person once said, “It is not in our mistakes where we fail but rather in relentlessly defending them where we truly fall down.” (author unknown)