Coping

Studies have shown writing about distressing realities such as loss, break-ups, recovery from illness and addiction, helps people make sense of the events and reduce distress.  

Dealing With It

Life is loaded with struggles. Dealing with it can be a heavy load to bear. Much of our pain comes from loss; loss of a relationship, loss of a loved one, loss of health, loss of a job, loss of our true self, our friends and our families due to the wreckage caused by addiction. Most of us will have to deal with all of these things at some point in our lives. I am completely mindful that some tragedies are worse than others. The timing is worse for others. Losing a sibling or a child at a young age must be the worst. Who could ever say that the pain will go away, that the void caused by the loss will ever be filled? I can only endeavor to deal with my losses in manner which is not harmful to myself or others. Does journaling help? There is a great deal of clinical research that confirms both sharing and more so, writing, promotes actual physical as well as psychological healing. Here are some studies: https://mic.com/articles/110662/science-shows-something-surprising-about-people-who-still-journal#.2FxdfiIML https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/writing-can-help-injuries-heal-faster/ https://www.apa.org/monitor/jun02/writing.aspx In the book Lessons of loss: A Guide to Coping Dr. Robert Niemeyer explains “Especially when losses are traumatic, they may be difficult to discuss or even disclose to another. And yet the psychological and physical burden of harboring painful memories without the release of sharing can prove far more destructive in the long run.” Grief Therapist Heather Stang, M.A. , the author of Mindfulness & Grief, writes, ”the task of reconstructing your personal self-narrative is critical in the healing process. A grief journal will provide you with a venue for expression without fear of being judged, as well as a record of your experience that will reveal recurring patterns and dramatic growth.” I can relate to this. I’m working on my positivity and strive to have a positive effect of others. I really don’t want to bring other people down with oversharing my grief. Why would I want to constantly be reminded of my loss? Isn’t it better if I just try to compartmentalize it or try to shut it down altogether? I fear pain. I fear loss. My instincts tell me to run from it. I supposed that is the “fight or flight” instinct. There is another option, to be still and practice the “Law of Nonresistance”.  This “Law” consistently appears in all Abrahamic, Middle Eastern and Metaphysical spiritual literature. As Carl Jung contended that “what you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.” I don’t want to wallow in my pain but I also know it is unhealthy to suppress it or attempt to avoid it altogether with medication. Believe me I’ve tried every imaginable path of avoidance to no avail. My only option is to “lean into the pain” and try my best to deal with the scope of it by writing it down, rereading it, accepting it, and turning to a new page. I remind myself in my journal that I still have a life to live, a young son to raise, more joy, more suffering and more surrendering ahead.